Are you a good person?

In August, I replied to a comment on 9gag, asking a girl how old she is, since she commented an "only 90s kids remember" post. She replied with no answer. Then I asked what if I liked her and wanted to know about a possibility of dating. I've been told people interpret me as coming on too strong or whatever, but although if you get to know me you'll discover that I'm a very emphatic person, I also am driven by logic, and I saw it as a perfectly logical possibility. She replied that then the more important question is, where in the globe she is living. I asked her, she didn't reply.

I googled her avatar, and found that picture on Facebook, and left a cheeky comment. Just "ha ha, delete this comment", to which she replied "nah". Then I asked her whether I can add her as a friend, to which she said that she won't mind. We started to talk, and pretty soon I said I looked through her avatars, and although she had various degrees of make up on her on most, I found her cute without it. Ironically, just yesterday, a girl told me that girls don't like when they are complimented too much, and I should do it only when needed. I actually don't even like to make meaningless compliments, but I think it's completely logical to note when I come across information I like about her. But I guess this is among the many reasons men say women are illogical.

She said that she was relieved, because I was not one of those guys who sees a girl without make up, and no longer finds them pretty. The way she said it, felt a little off, as if she was already sure she was becoming my girlfriend. When I reveal what came of it, you can say it was one of the signs that something was off, maybe not even the first. However, I ignored it, I didn't even think of it as something to ignore, because if you go around being scared and paranoid, and interpret everything as a sign of malice, you can't be in a relationship with anyone. And, I do mean "relationship" in a wider sense, because why do people think of some words, like the aforementioned, "couple", "love", and even liking a person as reserved to lover-type of relationship? If I say I like ice cream, no one thinks I mean that I want to make love to it.

I also mentioned she seemed intelligent, and it appeared that I needed to specify the difference between intelligence and knowledge. She used an example, which I later randomly found out was a description of Dungeons & Dragons skills using examples. I quote: "Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad.". The description, when taken in its entirety, does not have knowledge, I do not know the specifics of the game, and I am not going to blame the game for not including knowledge. However, I would argue that these examples are wrong, at least outside the game's concept. Knowing that tomato is a fruit is a fact, it is knowledge. Knowing not to put tomato into a fruit salad is actually wisdom, but it is also intelligence. I would argue that intelligence is coming to a conclusion before something happened, wisdom is coming to that conclusion after it happened.

After my explanation that intelligence is making connections between facts you know, she said we are actually talking about the same thing, which, I assumed meant that she knew the difference. If so, she clearly used an unfortunate example. She also said that although she liked that I took her opinions into account, and my explanations were charming at first, they became annoying due to her situation I later found out. She was playing a video game for money, and was losing, and her cousins kept rubbing it to her face, and this made her snap. Either way, when I asked whether she wanted to unfriend me, she said she didn't want to lose "such an insightful person".

Messages from her continued to be cute and intelligent, but became rarer and rarer. I also wished her happy new year on the date she had listed as her birthday. When she replied a few days after, she didn't react to that, probably didn't get it. As the reason of her less and less frequent replies she told me that her parents don't let her use the computer, or even access Internet through her phone. The lack of activity on her Facebook page seemed to comply with this, and at this point, you might say that many people in that region have multiple accounts. Yes, assuming that was the case, it was pretty impressive what she did for me: she told all her numerous friends, who had commented on her statuses and photos, to communicate with her on her other account.

She had her phone number listed on her profile, so I sent her a message for the new year, the actual new year. I later said that I made myself sad, as I sent her a message and she didn't reply. She said her roaming is not activated, and her parents would be suspicious if she suddenly activated it. If this was an excuse, she at least was prepared. I tried to subtly ask whether she got the message at all, and she replied with something that did not directly refer my wording, but didn't conflict it either. I sent her six messages in February, and seven in March, because at this point her replies on Facebook were a month apart.

I had proposed to make a Facebook group for the two of us, because maybe it was better for us to talk in there for some reason, and she said it was a good idea, because she could then subscribe to my threads or whatnot. At first, she didn't even understand what I meant my Facebook group, then, after a few weeks of silence she said she didn't find the group, although I had told her the group's name, and also added her, which meant she should have been able to find the group easily. Then, in the middle of January she posted there that she is sorry about her lack of reply, but her friend helped her to get a phone her parents could not monitor, and she should be free at the end of the month when her parents are out of town, and we could maybe even skype.

We talked like happy bunnies for a few hours, then she said that her parents are home, could we talk "tomorrow". Que Ronan Keating, and the next day I commented on her thread that I suspect that we would not skype and whatnot, because if her parents are so controlling and can monitor sites she visits, because obviously she must use the Internet for her school, it would be conceivable that they can switch off the Internet connection. Also, me commenting this way was helped by being a tad annoyed that she was so loyal to her parents' wishes that she could not try to talk with me from her friends' computer, or even an Internet café. Which she actually did at one time, because she had decided that she is old enough to decide for herself, but then apparently thought that neh, it's not for her.

In the middle of February, referring to skyping and whatnot, she just said "sorry about that". So even her excuses had become lazy? I didn't say anything, but I was quite displeased with such a laconic excuse. We talked some more, and she said she would not want to watch Paranormal Activities with me, as she dislikes the films. Sure, they are inane films, but her reason was more puzzling. She said that when the first film came out, she though it was real, and when they made another ending, she realised it was fake.

I have seen the original ending, but I don't know what the end credits said about the film. In the more known ending, however, the first screen in the end credits says that the film was fiction. Quite a contradiction when during the whole film you tried to make us believe it was real found footage. Anyway, took me two hours to wrap my mind around how she could believe it was real. Then I remembered she was 13 when the movie came out, and that she was religious at that time as well.

By the way, around that time, I was at the usual drinking binge at my friend's place, and the three others got the idea to call out spirits. I refused, and went to the other room to sleep. They mocked me for being afraid. Fuck that, no, I didn't think Paranormal Activity type of shit would happen, or even Djinn from Long Time Dead, which is a much better evil spirit film than Paranormal Activity, but some things are just too disrespectful to do.

At the end of February, I asked her whether I can ask her a question pretending she wants to be with me, and she said "alright". I asked whether she still would live with me if she knew I had very little money. She saw that question at the end of March, I was lucky enough to glimpse at my other monitor and see the sequence of events where my message was marked as seen, and very shortly after, "you can't reply to this conversation", meaning she blocked me.

In a way, I got my answer. But then I logged on to my other account and said it's rude to block, also, I wrote to some of her friends that had commented on some things of her. I also made one more account to send her a message, but this time, I commented on her status, pasting a letter I wrote to her. She blocked that account too, and I made another to see what she did. She had said to a friend of hers that this person is annoying, does not take the hint, and made alternate accounts, and "how's that for a stalker?".

Oh yeah, one of friends told me that she blocked me because I'm a stalker. Yes, attempting to talk to her from alternate accounts is stalker behaviour, but that didn't exist before her first block. It would have been like manipulating herself a reason. She blocked me, and when I tried to ask why, which would be the first thing resembling a stalker, state that the reason she blocked me was that I'm a stalker. Also, she naturally wanted to make herself seem like the "winner" in this situation, as she deleted my letter where I mentioned how she acted. There wasn't any further point to keep trying to make her friend see how she herself was evil. Although you could argue that I shouldn't have tried to contact her after the first block.

Some days later her friend randomly came to me and said: "So now she decided to stop the communication between the two of you...", to which I naturally responded with: "Now? I had a chance before?", because it seemed such an irrational thing to say. The friend also said she had a boyfriend. Whether it was attained during the time we talked, or from the beginning, I do not know. Except that if she had a boyfriend the whole time, she was cheating on him. It does not matter what I thought or perceived it as, or that she most probably thought of it as trolling, which is how hip people tell themselves they are not lying, she was betraying the idea of loyalty. The fact that she knew she was not serious or genuine does not matter, flirting is flirting.

And, if her parents being strict was true at all, and if in case of boyfriend she was not allowed to talk to her boyfriend while living with parents, it may also be hypothesised that she was using me as entertainment during her slave period, but when the school ended and she went to live with her sister, where she could be free, she did not have a use for me. Although, to further exemplify why I thought she was flirting with me, or at least enthusiastic about me, she said that when school ends, she will go live with her sister, where she could "talk to me the whole summer".

Boyfriend aside, as soon as the reason was stated as stalking, I tried to figure out what it was. The phone messages? Nah, I sent her the same amount of messages in February and March, and she had time to tell me to not send her messages at the end of February, but she did not say anything. Could it be that the stalking was how I first found her? What the intercourse? It wasn't as if I hacked some password guarded database, I used the information she herself had made public. Many people use Google image search, in fact, a girl from 9gag used the exact method to find me. The difference is then that I knowingly use the same avatar for 9gag, Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube, and I know that I could be found this way, but many people, like the girl this post is about, don't seem to realise that any information you choose to put on the Internet can be read and found out.

The title of this post is actually what the girl's friend, to whom I am thankful for giving me the reason, asked me after she was told to stay away because I am a stalker. After hearing my said, she says she understands me and my hurt, and I hope she now can ask her whether she is a good person.